There are few things more confusing to a person than to be told that God is a loving God who is just while also being deeply wounded by people who profess to believe in God.

That was one big hang-up I was left with as a believer. How could a loving God have allowed… If God is all powerful where was He when… I did not finish those statements because there are a lot of things that could fit into them. Likely you have some of your own….

I remember the exact moment and place when that question hit me like a ton of bricks. I had been trying to process through a very difficult time in my life where I was being haunted with flashbacks of my past, and was fighting some specific triggers. There were people within hearing distance, but I remember putting my head up against the wall of the room I was in and wondering if my head was going to explode from holding back the scream in my heart that was threatening to come out of my mouth. Up until this point in my life I had been using coping methods to get by, but then came a few triggers and as each trigger was squeezed I would be hit with a blinding flashback. Sometimes so terrifying I didn’t know how to function or thought I was losing my mind. I was constantly feeling like I was in the passenger seat of my life and someone was driving me somewhere I didn’t want to go. I had terrible fears that went alongside the flashbacks.

One day I voiced this question to someone who lead me in prayer to God, and I asked God where He was that night… the night I don’t like thinking or talking about… God lead me right back into the scene, only this time I saw the heavens opening and I saw God weeping and I knew those tears were for me. I also knew in that moment that God’s perfect will and plan does not include pain, trauma, loss, grief, and sickness. All of those are a result of sin. That my friends, is exactly why Jesus came, died, and then rose again to bring us healing and restoration. While we live on this earth, we will all be effected by the results of sin in some way, but it does not need to define us, because it’s already been paid for, and we are not slaves to the power of sin and death.

Every bad thing that has happened in our lives is a resurrection waiting to happen. The enemy kills, steals, and destroys, but guess what, Jesus didn’t stay dead! He conquered sin and death once and for all, and then gave us access to that resurrection power so that what the enemy attempted to kill will live abundantly by the power of Christ. What the enemy robbed from you will be redeemed in full measure and running over. What the enemy intended to destroy your life with will be built into a strong tower in the kingdom of God that will shine a light for others who are searching.

Going into 2019, can we just take a pause to hear God’s heartbeat for us, to invite Him into areas of pain and confusion in our hearts. He is faithful and just. He weeps for our pain, loss, and sickness, but He doesn’t just weep, He already writhed in death, and then roared in triumph as He arose and breathed healing and life and resurrection power into all the desolate places. Will we allow God to nurture us to wholeness and restore our needy places? The power is available. The choice is ours.

Blessings for 2019!

-Jenni

 

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